Dopamine can always send us chasing phantoms.
Dopamine doesn’t respond to reward it responds to reward prediction error. The actual reward minus the expected reward.
That’s why love doesn’t last without H&N neurotransmitters.
When we fall in love we’re falling in love with the ideal that we have created in our imagination.
After 12-18 months the dopaminergic thrill is over.
Human beings that have genes that produce high levels of dopamine have the highest number of sexual partners and the lowest age of first sexual intercourse.
Most couples have sex less frequently as intense dopaminergic love evolves into companionate H&N love.
This is partly because oxytocin and vasopressin suppress the release of testosterone.
Males and females with high testosterone levels are more vulnerable to dopamine addiction, dopamine has a very specific job, it maximises the resources that will be available to us in the future.
Although slot machines date back to the nineteenth century, modern refinements are based on B.F Skinners work.
If you’re addicted to Tik Tok, Random hook ups or junk food dopamine is controlling your behaviour…
So what’s the solution?
If you’re addicted to dating and casual sex your idea of satisfaction isn’t satisfaction at all. It’s pursuit, which is driven by dopamine, the molecule that cultivates perpetual dissatisfaction. After you sleep with someone your immediate goal will be to find someone else.
The H&Ns are your brains version of morphine. These combine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins and endocannabinoids. H&Ns give us pleasure and are released when we experience companionate love, companionate love requires work, dopaminergic love doesn’t.
When the H&Ns take over dopamine is suppressed, so real love can grow. dopamine and H&N circuits can work together but they usually counter each other.
Researchers found lower levels of serotonin receptors when they extracted blood cells from people that were in the passionate stage of love.
So knowing what I know about neuropeptides I would say that people who have multiple partners will find it hard to activate their H&N circuits, they will be less forgiving and look for excuses to jump from one partner to the next.
Single people have more testosterone than married people, and testosterone can suppress H&Ns…
I think that the biggest problem is that most people don’t think people can change and they give up on them. They don’t communicate after an argument, they communicate when they’re having an argument.
Real love takes time, effort and energy, but the rewards are infinite, dopaminergic love is pointless, you waste your precious time and energy building something that’s empty…
Save your energy for someone that will accept your flaws and encourage you to communicate your needs and desires…
#growthmindset