Toxic Relationships
People gravitate towards people that will make them feel emotions that they’re used to feeling.
Whether those emotions are positive or negative.
Researchers have proven that we will crave emotions that we are accustomed to feeling.
So if you have a healthy relationship with your parents but you’ve always had a toxic relationship with the opposite sex then you won’t be attracted to anyone that’s psychologically healthy…
This is catastrophic unless the person that’s attracting unhealthy relationships realises what’s happening.
Emotional abuse can be a lot more damaging than physical abuse.
Gaslighting, criticism that’s disguised as feedback, lack of praise, avoidance behaviour, blaming and shaming, hot and cold treatment, playing mind games.
Jealousy and threats.
This behaviour can be a lot more damaging and can undermine a persons self esteem.
A romantic relationship should feel safe, we should feel safe to be ourselves around the person that we love.
True love is unconditional, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have healthy boundaries within a romantic relationship.
People make mistakes and that’s ok, but communication has to flow both ways, both people have to feel safe expressing themselves for it to work.
A lot of people play games and toy with other peoples emotions.
They’ll say they like a challenge, that will be their excuse when they’re playing with your emotions.
You’ll get attached to anyone that gives you what you’re used to.
We can normalise abusive behaviour if we get abused by enough people.
If you’re used to people using you for sex once every couple of months, then someone comes along and uses you for ego gratification instead without expecting sex or any intimacy at all, you’ll think that they’re lovely. Even if they’re being abusive and sending you conflicting messages just to appease their ego.
Boundaries are so important, and people that are emotionally abusive will transgress your boundaries regularly.
The problem is that you may not realise they’re being abusive because you’re so used to being abused emotionally.
The solution is to avoid sex in your romantic relationships for 3 months.
If someone’s trying to feed their ego through you then they probably won’t stick around for 3 months.
It’s important to have intimacy for those 3 months, not sex….intimacy!
Most people don’t know what intimacy is.
If a man is willing to spend time with a woman without getting sex, or sexual favours for weeks and months then that’s love, that can grow.
Men and women have to build their connection through intimacy before they can have a healthy, happy relationship.
During this period both people will feel jealous when they see their partner with the opposite sex.
They will feel insecure and wonder if the other person likes them as much as they do.
This is normal.
However many relationships don’t make it past this stage because the man isn’t mature enough to handle the jealousy that he feels when he sees his future wife or girlfriend with other men, and vice versa.
This is when trust can grow if it’s given a chance to grow.
Regular intimacy without sex helps couples to build a strong foundation that will stand the test of time.
No one should have to deal with emotional abuse on an on going basis.
Even if your partner doesn’t realise that they’re abusing you emotionally it’s still not ok.
Constant criticism is not ok.
Hot and cold behaviour is not ok.
A little bit of jealousy is normal but they can’t use that as an excuse to treat you badly.
A lot of relationships are toxic so you can’t compare yourself to others and say that it’s ok that your partner abuses you emotionally because you know that the lady down the street gets beaten up by her husband intermittently.
No abuse is ok.
If you’re normalising abusive behaviour by accepting it then you’re not helping the person that’s abusing you, if you accept their maltreatment then you’re actually hurting them as much as you’re hurting yourself.
If you put up with it then they’ll expect their next partner to put up with it as well.
Every time you stand up for yourself and refuse to accept bad behaviour you’re helping to make the world a better place.
No one is perfect, you have to communicate if someone is abusing you emotionally.
If they don’t stop then you have to take a break and reaffirm your point.
Don’t suffer in silence, speak to a therapist, not a friend.
A friend may have normalised abuse as much as you have.
A professional psychologist or Counsellor will be more objective and give you constructive advice that will help you to create healthy, happy mutually fulfilling relationships.
Unconditional love is the solution.
But both people have to communicate and take action when their partner complains about something.
It can’t be brushed under the rug.
Real love takes work and commitment.
Communication comes first, but it’s what you do with that new knowledge that counts…
If two people love each other they will change and make a positive difference in each other’s lives, consistently.
Through all their ups and downs they will remain loyal to one another.
No matter what.
That is real love.
Anyone can fall in love.
Only warriors, that are willing to face their demons and work through them can enjoy that deep unconditional love that we all crave so desperately, until we find it…:)
You have to be willing to do the work, and your partner has to be willing to communicate and do the work too.
They can’t stick their head in the sand when it’s hard.
Anyone can run away.
A real man or woman will face their fears and their darkest emotions no matter how hard it is.
#truelove
#unconditionallove